Close your eyes. Wait, never mind. If you do that, you can't read! Silly me...
Anyway. We are going on another field trip. This one is down a thought path I took today, and at the end -- well, of course I have to share it.
I am driving along, wondering when God will bless us (read ME) with a different van. You know... a cute one. I spot them as I drive along; "Hey God! I like that green one! Or that steel blue one.... OOOHHHH look at that pretty aqua Dodge Grand Caravan (sorry jane, I like yours the best)" and I start to wander down that road. (I think it is called self-pity... I am sure you can clarify this for me. Be objective :-)
And later, I venture a little further. I wonder what my friends or co-bible-studiers would say... would they pray for me to have a pretty van? Because it is my heart's desire... (my head says) And sometimes I really am embarassed to be driving this one. But of course, I appreciate this one as God's blessing. I just wish it was prettier. What would they say if I prayed for contentment?
And... it came. Like His answers always do. Hard. Real. And truthful. Lovingly molding my heart.
They would say that every time you feel embarassed about driving this ugly blessing, it is ME showing you how prideful you still are, and how far you have to go before you can handle a pretty blessing without being selfishly proud of it.
Ouch.
So, there you have it. Just how far I still have to go. Thank you, Father God, that You are not done with me yet. Because I truly do have so far to go before my testimony can be a door through which You are all others can see.
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3 comments:
I remember when you got that van. I was at the point of being so ashamed that I did NOT want a van, and Dan got the mountainier.. It felt so vain. I was so jelous that you had that van! It just shows pride in our car, which I still have at time and then God is faithfull in showing me how prideful I can be. It was that moment of being thankful for the things we are blessed with even if its not what we had in mind. He still provides and anything I want above it is my own selfishness. Like our house, its a mess, but we are provided for. So im thankful for the mess, the trials, and lessons He is teaching us. LONG!sorry :)
Thanks for the post...I love reading reminders like this one. I loved your v-day pics by the way...Daniel and I need to take some more of the two of us...we haven't since early in my pregnancy really!
Yes, that was an ouch moment. You are being blessed in that God is working in your heart and life. And no, it doesn't always feel good. In a study of Daniel I learned that God will either deliver you from the trouble or see you through it. All the while, refining our hearts and minds. Thank you for sharing this with us. Take care and God bless, Cory
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