Thank you to all who were praying for us! We received your texts while we were in the hospital, and because we were a few minutes late heading into the OR, we saw most all of them before the surgery.
I'm not sure exactly how to tell this story, so I'll just try to catch everything I remember! We arrived at the hospital and started in with all the monitors and IV's in preparation for surgery. Even though everything was going smoothly, I still was struggling with the overpowering urge to get up and walk out. I don't know why, but the mental and emotional strain of walking into an experience where I give up all control of my body is almost more than I can handle. The nurses getting us ready were absolutely wonderful- very mothering and sugary sweet! Sometimes that is sickening, but they pulled it off! Dr. Pitts arranged for Dr Witham to be our anesthesiologist, and soon after he reviewed the surgery with me she came in to discuss the plan and my problems with morphine. I requested morphine to be put on my allergies list so no one would be giving it to me with thoroughly discussing it with me first! (Due to my last experience with Isaac, and being given an extra dose even though I had said no to it.) I chose to go ahead with the morphine, but to also be extremely proactive in combating the nausea, which included two doses of different anti-nausea drugs and a patch behind my ear. (I did still get sick, so I did my best to wait out the morphine before eating. I was able to keep down ice chips, so something worked a little better than last time.) We also discussed the process of my "special wish," as she put it. Since I hadn't been able to read more than what is scantly available online about Gentle Cesareans, I didn't know what all I could request. Basically I just asked that the Apgar scores and cleaning be done as much as possible on my chest instead of on the warming table. (She asked later, after I was on the table, if I wanted to try to nurse him, but because I wasn't mentally prepared for that feat, I said no.)
We moved on in to the OR and went through the process of getting the spinal block and laying me all out. Since this is all very much a blur in my mind, I'll just skip most of it. As far as the surgery goes, I did well- didn't get sick at all that I remember. When he was born, he gave a couple little cries, so I knew he was headed my way. The assisting Dr passed him in a blanket to the nursery nurse, who then placed him on me. An amusing note (but hard-at-the-time) was that the blanket also ended up over my face, so I couldn't see, nor move the blanket because I was still strapped down. She removed it quickly, and I could see an amazing little body laying on me.
He had quieted right down, and was laying still on me, but breathing. These are all specific memories, but I have no idea of the passage of time. I know the nurse was patting his feet; I think she wanted him to cry more, but he wasn't. His Apgar scores were 9-9, which I overheard the nurses in recovery saying that when it's a 9, that means his color wasn't completely pink unless another explanation is given. I remember his feet were a little blue. After a few minutes, she asked if she could remove him to the warming table for a minute because he was getting a little cold. Of course I said yes- all along I have maintained that I understood the priorities and I promised I wouldn't interfere with any of their medical opinions about necessary care. (This may have not been necessary had I been bared skinned, but for some reason this part of the process didn't happen, so the warming from my body wasn't happening.)
The moment she removed him from my chest, he burst into the crying newborn. She weighed him while on the table, and then brought him back to me. He immediately quieted back down. I heard at some point a voice behind me commenting, "That's remarkable," in reference to his change in demeanor based on his location. I also remember not saying much~ I'm not sure why, or what I planned on saying to this beautiful little miracle on my chest, but I hummed and murmured most of the time. Maybe that was an instinctual bonding sound from mother to child. Whatever it is, he responds to it now as well.
Part of why I wished for this experience was because with my other C-sections, they take the baby straight to the warming table, clean him (her) up, do all their stuff, then Gabe brings the baby to my side. At that point, one arm is released, I can kind of pet them and kiss their head, and then pretty soon they go away to the nursery, leaving me with the Dr's who carry on all sorts of conversations while they finish the surgery. Then they take me to the recovery room where I am left with the nurse. I have felt so very lonely in these past experiences, without Gabe or the new baby. They return after a while, but I'm alone for what seems such a long time.
This time, they left Caleb on me for nearly the entire stitching up process. Instead of listening to random conversations that I was not a part of, I was able to love on my child and bond with him in his earliest moments outside of my womb.
Post C-section: Now- you can think that all of this is pure coincidence, and it just happens to be his personality. And that's fine- it may be. But when we compare our first three children born via C-section to him, we feel that this experience impacted him in ways we probably don't even understand. For the first two weeks, he was amazingly content. Since then, we think he's developed some kind of gas issue. Other than that (not that trying to help him feel better is
any small task...) he's been very cuddly, which is the big difference we see between him and his siblings.
We adore our new blessing and thank God for the opportunity He allowed this time around.
