Interesting and Suprising Emotions

Today at work, I heard on the news that Michelle Duggar (18 Kids & counting) gave birth to number 19 baby (Josie) via emergency c-section. I was almost overwhelmed with... sadness? grief? empathy? I don't even know what to call it. But a distinct reminder that I'm not sure I will ever get over this deep sense of loss I have about not being able to have a baby naturally. It almost seems silly to me that I feel sad over Michelle, when she has given birth to 18 babies... but I still do. It's probably more about me than anyone else, but I was surprised at the depth of emotion I felt, especially over something I'd thought I'd left behind.

VBAC Consultation

Well, the results were what we had prayed for, but not what I was hoping for. We did get a clear answer, and it is that a VBAC is not in our future.

First, I am a mid-line candidate (not terribly good, not terribly bad). Second, my 2nd section made this candidacy worse, not better. Third, dr will be in California when I am due, and most of his call partners would not willingly take a patient like me.

So, at my appointment tomorrow with regular dr, I will probably be scheduling my 3rd C-section. And that's ok. I do believe that for a while now, God has graciously been preparing my heart for this result, from many different angles. So while I am disappointed, I am not broken up about it. I am determined that He gets the glory, whatever the situation, so I am thankful that I see one of the best doctors in the valley, and that this will work out better and easier for everyone involved.
(But we can be praying now for a fast recovery!)

It's on the Calendar....

March 18th- my consultation visit with Dr Fine in Spokane on whether I am a good candidate for VBA2C or not.... Finally, and yet so far away :-) I will be 31 weeks.

VBACs

To Answer a few questions: If we go this route...

We would probably seek to stay there the last week or two, as Gabe says no way to driving while I'm laboring :-) I'm not too worried about the timing, as w/ Melia, my water didn't break until 41 weeks, and w/ Kiera's section at 39 weeks, I wasn't dialated at all. So I seriously doubt I will go early :-)

No inductions. With VBAC's this is a no-no, as it greatly increases the chance of rupture. Plus, I think I would refuse pitocin anyway, considering my last experience. All natural baby!

Visitors? I know. This is what has been less than supportive, but ideally, we will be back in just a few days anyway. And I am not saying you can't come to Spokane ;-) It will be May, after all. No inclement weather to worry about! Plus, now that I have this easy to update blog, you will have pictures!

I think I got them all. Feel free to ask any other questions you might have-- But remember, this is a new road for me too! I may not know it all right away, but hopefully I will have more answers after I visit the other doc later. And please pray. I don't want to be doing this for me. I want to do this to glorify Him, so whether the doors open or close, I want my focus to be right. Thanks so much!

Appointment Update

Well, just one baby in there. (Whew! ;-)

Everything looks fine; he's not worried about my weird digestive issues; we have a picture of our little blob... And we got to see the heartbeat, but not hear it... Bummer! I was hoping for an early indicator of sex....

And the best part: He (dr) is totally supportive of doing most of my prenatal appts here, even if I am going to attempt a VBAC in Spokane. I know this isn't something I've talked a whole lot about here on the blog, but we are going to consider it. I've received many responses that were less than supportive, but we have been praying that if God opens the doors for us to go through with a VBAC, that is what we are going to do.

PS- Melia loves having a picture of the baby. "It's so tiny, isn't it Mama?"