Testing?

I am not sure how much more emotional stress I can handle!

First off, simple prayer request and thank you to those of you who already know and have been praying.... My Grandma is in the hospital, and probably won't come home. Not sure just how to put it gently, but we are told to expect her to meet her Lord anytime. This is my mom's mother. I think we are all doing ok, as this had been a long time coming, but the pain and emotions are still very visible, as we do love her so much.

Note of interest: I was thinking today of how different she has been the last, how many, 10? years since her first stroke. But her presence was still here. So even though we are used to the knowledge that any day another stroke could come, we will still miss her sitting there in her chair, listening and sometimes responding. This is all the great-grandma B that Melia has ever known, and she knows (as much as she can, which is actually suprising) that we will miss her. Melia asks if she can go to the hospital with me, because she "loves the girl that is sick" and "wants to see her one more time." *sniff*

And I know this doesn't even compare, but it is just another heartstring being stretched to it's limit! Tonight when we got home I checked on the cats and found that Marsha had birthed another litter (I was pretty sure she was prego, but had no idea she was so close!) Two darlings... but then the stress of praying and trying to decide what to do. Do I pull them and try to feed them myself? (Tube feedings every 2 hours) Do I leave them with her, hoping she will take care of them? I went out to take pictures, thinking I would not touch them. She cowered between me and them, growling and hissing at me. I petted her (unheard of!) and she never made an agressive move towards me. So, using the same hand with her scent on it, I felt their little bellies because I could not visually see that they were full. They weren't.

Melia and I prayed that she would take good care of her babies, and that she would feed them lots of milk. After getting the girls to bed and talking to Gabe, discussing maybe partially supplementing to give her a chance to come around, I just prayed and prayed that God would help me to make the right decision. One hand-- I desperately don't want to lose them. I was miserable knowing that I was responsible for the deaths last time. Other hand? Do I want to prolong the inevitable? Is it inevitable? And He provided. He gave me the idea to go out and check on them with a flashlight through the window, and if she was taking care of them, or by them, I would leave them be. If not, I would decide about partially or fully supplementing then.

I went out, tried to sneak up on the cat house, (hard to do on gravel) got up to the window, and shined the flashlight--which promptly blinded me. Nice try. Shined it again, aiming it carefully away from my face, and with my own eyes saw that she was actually nursing them!

Praise Him! Thank You Thank You Thank You Lord!
Your continued prayers are coveted, as both these situations can (and in one case, will) change at any time. I don't trust Marsha, but I do trust Him. A reminder that my eyes are "blinded" when I am only looking at what I can do. I need to refocus, look again, and expect miracles.

:-) He is so good.